May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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