If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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