so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
