Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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