dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
