just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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