I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
