doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
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I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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