I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
