This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
