Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
