So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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