Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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