Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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