Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
