I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize