Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
