So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
