So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
