Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
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there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
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Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.