I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
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I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
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there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first