so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
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I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
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I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?