you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
