Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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