Texts From Last Night

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  (315): View more from New York

  Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.

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  (315): Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win. http://tfl.nu/wty0
  Replies (66) Good night (2031) Bad night (781)
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  (925): View more from California

  when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?

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  (925): when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober? http://tfl.nu/qjrt
  Replies (30) Good night (857) Bad night (2014)
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  (760): View more from California

  i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped

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  (760): i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped http://tfl.nu/yuxq
  Replies (54) Good night (3534) Bad night (970)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.

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  (402): just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot. http://tfl.nu/9z8d
  Replies (24) Good night (4485) Bad night (761)
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.

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  (980): It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire. http://tfl.nu/zb3d
  Replies (3) Good night (2054) Bad night (1007)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"

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  (412): It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion" http://tfl.nu/m0wm
  Replies (8) Good night (603) Bad night (1731)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.

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  (706): On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related. http://tfl.nu/0zhl
  Replies (12) Good night (2516) Bad night (525)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.

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  (719): New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget. http://tfl.nu/qqak
  Replies (9) Good night (451) Bad night (1564)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"

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  (509): So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila" http://tfl.nu/anii
  Replies (3) Good night (2069) Bad night (450)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time

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  (816): Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time http://tfl.nu/d70u
  Replies (8) Good night (1294) Bad night (435)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.

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  (202): I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it. http://tfl.nu/m7ga
  Replies (23) Good night (629) Bad night (2190)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?

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  (906): does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex? http://tfl.nu/8dql
  Replies (2) Good night (512) Bad night (385)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday

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  (704): Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday http://tfl.nu/7l8d
  Replies (4) Good night (363) Bad night (208)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.

  (469): View more from Texas

  I have the flu.

  (214): View more from Texas

  I don't give a shit

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  (214): I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now. (469): I have the flu. (214): I don't give a shit http://tfl.nu/yb1n
  Replies (12) Good night (1237) Bad night (314)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.

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  (+61): A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty. http://tfl.nu/ftfe
  Replies (2) Good night (545) Bad night (249)

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