If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads