Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
