I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
