So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
