I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
