fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
