My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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