Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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