dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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