I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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