i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
