I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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