Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
