so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
