turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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