He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
