I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize