T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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