Duck Duck Cougar?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
