just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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