i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize