If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
