don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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