drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
