i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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