dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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