...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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