he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
