oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
