Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
