i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
