But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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