why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
BRING THE BAGELS
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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