Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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