oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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