chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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