the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
