Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
