and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
