What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
