i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think I just sharted jello shots
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