why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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