I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
