My liver just broke up with me...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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