I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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