There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
