dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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