Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
