i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
