I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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