remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
