Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
