I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
