break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
