Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
