I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She bit a glass in half.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize