i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
