you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
