There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
