jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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