the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
