too bad you live with your parents still
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
