I puked a lego.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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