She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
